I couldn't believe my eyes. The test I had taken so many times finally proved me wrong. I was pregnant, it was possible. The feelings I had experienced were down to this, I should have known something was different.
The moment I found out, I cried to my boyfriend. He was also in disbelief but told me everything would be alright, and he would support me whatever my decision.
I almost immediately knew what the decision I wanted to make was. But I never thought it would be this difficult. I always imagined that if it did happen, I would decide to abort, get it done with and it would be over. How uneducated I was to think this.
My guilt and emotions were going crazy. It wasn't just the thought of getting an abortion, what if I couldn't have children in the future? Thoughts raced through my head, I was so confused. But to me, abortion was the only option.
My financial state was one to be questioned, I had no stability, I was of a young age with a boyfriend I had been with for almost two years and was most definitely not ready for a child.
It may seem selfish, but I had things I wanted to accomplish. Goals to meet and a stable life to make for a family I could have one day. I had plans with my boyfriend and if a child came along that would all change. I didn't want to rush into things and risk us losing our love for eachother. We were both young and needed to live together, before we became responsible for a child.
I hated myself for letting this happen to this poor, helpless life that I had been responsible for creating. But I had to go through it, and making the decision to end the pregnancy was the only possible solution, I felt. This I know to this day.
It would have been unfair to bring a child into an unsteady atmosphere, I had to do what I felt was right and be sure it most certainly would never happen again.
It was decision time.
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