The beginning

March, 2011.

Finding out I was pregnant was incredibly scary. Having a long term boyfriend with whom I foolishly did not use contraception with and never caught, made me believe I couldn't get pregnant. This thought saddened me to the core, but I never believed I would be ready for a child at the age of 19 anyway. I just wanted the relief of knowing it was possible.
I'm not one of those very maternal women who hope to have children young. I'm still a young woman, still learning and still naiive in many ways. I have much to learn, and this situation taught me plenty, the hard way.
I always had a careless view on pregnancy. I didn't take contraception because I thought it wouldn't make a difference. In the years I had been sexually active the pregnancy tests always read negative. My periods were irregular and I simply thought I had trouble conceiving.
I continued to enjoy my life, never fretting about late periods because this was common. Never fretting about the frightening thought of getting pregnant, it seemed crazy and far fetched to me. I was foolish, and very immature to take the risky option.

Suffering from constant depression involved countless sleepless nights, severe upset, crying, mood swings and suicidal thoughts. This was a norm for me, having depression from a young age and inheriting it from both my parents was something I had grown up with and dealt with.
Over the March period I felt it worsen entirely. So much so, that I took a trip to the doctors to get a stronger medication. As I was there we discussed my irregular periods also, as I always worried about inferitlity and wanted to know if the period cycle was a sign of this.
'The irregular periods should not worry you at such a young age. Everyone is different and stressing about how fertile you are is irrelevant at this age. Do not worry until you are ready.' The Doctor told me in a matter of fact manner.
'Right, okay. But it does worry me, and for some reason I feel sure I am infertile.' I responded.
The Doctor studied me and finally opened his creased mouth to say, 'Are you on any form of contraception?'
I thought to myself about the question he had thrown at me. Should I lie? Or simply tell the truth? I decided to tell the truth and not dig myself a big hole that I might not be able to crawl my way out of.
'No, at this current time I am not. We use condoms, now and again but nothing constant, because I feel there's no point.' I admitted.
The Doctor told me this was the wrong attitude, as I had guessed he might say. Choosing a contraceptive pill, he gave me one that would steady my periods and protect me from pregnancy. Clutching my pills for depression in one hand and my prescription for the contraceptive pill in the other, I thanked the Doctor and headed for the door.
I was stopped in my tracks as the Doctor asked, 'When was your last period, might I ask?'
Trying hard to remember, I figured it was over a month ago. 'Around 1 month ago, but this is normal.' I told the Doctor.
'As normal as you think it may be, you should take a pregnancy test to be sure.' The Doctor advised.
I nodded, scrumpled the prescription into my pocket and headed out of the door, ignoring his request to take a pregnancy test. I didn't need to waste my time, a million previous tests told me negative. This wasn't any different to me.
How wrong I was.