The peanut

The days passed by and I continued to get on with my life, well, I tried. It seemed in the mere short time I had found out about this life growing inside of me, everything turned upside down.
My mood swings were crazy, poor Steve had to feel my wrath on more than one occasion. My tears soaked my pillows most nights, not just because of the depression but because of the sadness that filled me, knowing what I was in for. Constantly in the back of my mind I couldn't erase the pit of total heartache. It affected me in more ways than one, but I had only myself to blame.
As upset as I was, I plodded along and took everything in my stride. I knew this was what I wanted and as much as I hated the decision and how evil I felt for doing it; it was for the best, and I took that lightly.

Following my meetings with two different Doctor's, the time had come for my hospital appointment where I would find out how far along in the pregnancy I was.
The nurse greeted me in what seemed a less than polite manner, which I pretty much expected. They hope to see patients excited for life, not those who wish to erase it completely. She asked me how far along I thought I might be, but I really had no idea. My stomach was not huge but rather bloated, so I thought a couple of months at least. I hoped in my mind that it was possible for me to abort. I couldn't imagine having a child at such a young age.
I lay horizontally on the hospital bed in a dark, quiet room with various types of equipment in each corner. Steve accompanied me at all times, which I loved. He knew he had to comfort me and he knew we should both face up to the horrible situation we had got ourselves into.
The nurse squeezed a tube of cold, thick, jelly onto the lower area of my stomach. I had been told to have a full bladder when attending the appointment, which proved uncomfortable when the nurse pressed hard to get the image of what was growing inside me on the scan screen. I thought I might actually pee.
Anyhow, after some movement of trying to distinguish and find the sac with the embryo, there it was on the screen. So small.
'You look to be about 8 weeks pregnant.' Said the nurse in a gentle tone. I nodded, and stared at the peanut I could see on the screen in front of me. I felt relieved, but also quite amazed. Something pulled at the strings of my heart in that particular moment.