Now the waiting begun. In a way I was glad because I knew the exact date now and was able to prepare for it.
Either that or dwell on it too much.
I was really starting to feel the effects of pregnancy now. My hormones were raging, my stomach was swollen, I felt unattractive, had major fatigue, nightime pees and even milking breasts.
This was so weird to me.
As time progressed, I thought about what was happening.
Mostly before bed time, and I'd be lying if I said I never cried about it.
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
The journey continues
As I left the room, me and Steve exchanged glances but took it in our stride. This journey was so weird, nothing phased me.
After waiting for about 45 minutes in the seating area, a nurse called me through to a room where a trainee nurse sat and observed.
The nurse typically talked me through the method, asked me some health related questions and gave me a date.
Wait, what? A date? I was so confused by now and didn't understand why I was here afterall.
'The next available date is in the middle of June I'm afraid. But do not worry because you are still able to have the medical abortion at this stage.' Said the nurse matter-of-factly.
'I'm sorry, I don't understand. I was under the impression that I was having the procedure done here?' I asked, concerned.
The nurses turned to look at eachother, and the main nurse finally spoke, ' We don't perform abortions here. This is just to refer you.'
Now I was nnoyed. I had gone from surgery to surgery, appointment to appointment and had been referred for my abortion already. Or so I thought. Now this journey was much anticipated for nothing. I wouldn't be having the procedure for another month!
This was getting difficult.
After waiting for about 45 minutes in the seating area, a nurse called me through to a room where a trainee nurse sat and observed.
The nurse typically talked me through the method, asked me some health related questions and gave me a date.
Wait, what? A date? I was so confused by now and didn't understand why I was here afterall.
'The next available date is in the middle of June I'm afraid. But do not worry because you are still able to have the medical abortion at this stage.' Said the nurse matter-of-factly.
'I'm sorry, I don't understand. I was under the impression that I was having the procedure done here?' I asked, concerned.
The nurses turned to look at eachother, and the main nurse finally spoke, ' We don't perform abortions here. This is just to refer you.'
Now I was nnoyed. I had gone from surgery to surgery, appointment to appointment and had been referred for my abortion already. Or so I thought. Now this journey was much anticipated for nothing. I wouldn't be having the procedure for another month!
This was getting difficult.
Well I didn't expect that
Two days blurred by until I had to travel on the motorway for a hospital appointment that was out of my hometown. Here I was, ready to begin the abortion process and boy I couldn't wait for it to be over with.
I arrived at the hospital half an hour after departure and was directed upstairs to the baby ward. I must say, this was rather awkward and it was a good idea I was set on my decision, because for any woman going through abortion it is truly heartwrtenching viewing smiling mums to be and newborn babyphotos on every wall.
The nurse in reception greeted me in a friendly manner and asked me pleasantly to take a seat in the waiting room. I did so, and I must say her smile made me feel better. Until I saw the doctor and was given a sheet to show reception so that I could be taken down to the ultrasound unit.
The minute the nurse clasped eyes upon the sheet in my hand, she understood why I was there and it would be an understatement to say she looked disapproving. Another case of awakwardness.
She smugly handed the paper to another nurse to deal with me. Call me paranoid but I think I know why she was acting that way. Anyhow, I was led to the ultrasound room and the cold gel was applied to my lower stomach.
Before the scan the nurse askd me, 'How far along in the pregnancy do you think you are?'
I thought this was weird, because I knew, I didn't think.
So I replied, 'I had a scan saying I am 8 weeks pregnant.'
The nurse looked at me in a confused manner whilst she scrunched up her nose.
'Then why are you having another scan?' She askd, quizzically.
'I'm not sure,' I replied. 'I was sent here by my GP.'
The nurse took this information in, wiped the gel away and sent me out the door and back to the waiting room to see the doctor.
I arrived at the hospital half an hour after departure and was directed upstairs to the baby ward. I must say, this was rather awkward and it was a good idea I was set on my decision, because for any woman going through abortion it is truly heartwrtenching viewing smiling mums to be and newborn babyphotos on every wall.
The nurse in reception greeted me in a friendly manner and asked me pleasantly to take a seat in the waiting room. I did so, and I must say her smile made me feel better. Until I saw the doctor and was given a sheet to show reception so that I could be taken down to the ultrasound unit.
The minute the nurse clasped eyes upon the sheet in my hand, she understood why I was there and it would be an understatement to say she looked disapproving. Another case of awakwardness.
She smugly handed the paper to another nurse to deal with me. Call me paranoid but I think I know why she was acting that way. Anyhow, I was led to the ultrasound room and the cold gel was applied to my lower stomach.
Before the scan the nurse askd me, 'How far along in the pregnancy do you think you are?'
I thought this was weird, because I knew, I didn't think.
So I replied, 'I had a scan saying I am 8 weeks pregnant.'
The nurse looked at me in a confused manner whilst she scrunched up her nose.
'Then why are you having another scan?' She askd, quizzically.
'I'm not sure,' I replied. 'I was sent here by my GP.'
The nurse took this information in, wiped the gel away and sent me out the door and back to the waiting room to see the doctor.
More appointments
Following the scan, I couldn't get it out of my mind. It was so incredibly surreal that after all of this time thinking I was infertile, there was a baby growing in my stomach. Of course it was nothing more than an embryo at this time, but still.
However, no matter how much that moment touched me and will stick in my head forever, I knew what I had to do and there was no other way about it. Whereas many may disagree with what I had decided, it didn't matter to me. It felt more cruel to bring a child into an unstable world than to abort it. All that mattered was how I felt about the situation, and Steve aswell.
I got an appointment back at my GP where I spoke to the same male doctor I had before. I told him I was 8 weeks pregnant, he explained the medical abortion would be the method I'd undergo, gave me a date for the Doctors and away I went.
However, no matter how much that moment touched me and will stick in my head forever, I knew what I had to do and there was no other way about it. Whereas many may disagree with what I had decided, it didn't matter to me. It felt more cruel to bring a child into an unstable world than to abort it. All that mattered was how I felt about the situation, and Steve aswell.
I got an appointment back at my GP where I spoke to the same male doctor I had before. I told him I was 8 weeks pregnant, he explained the medical abortion would be the method I'd undergo, gave me a date for the Doctors and away I went.
Thursday, 9 June 2011
The peanut
The days passed by and I continued to get on with my life, well, I tried. It seemed in the mere short time I had found out about this life growing inside of me, everything turned upside down.
My mood swings were crazy, poor Steve had to feel my wrath on more than one occasion. My tears soaked my pillows most nights, not just because of the depression but because of the sadness that filled me, knowing what I was in for. Constantly in the back of my mind I couldn't erase the pit of total heartache. It affected me in more ways than one, but I had only myself to blame.
As upset as I was, I plodded along and took everything in my stride. I knew this was what I wanted and as much as I hated the decision and how evil I felt for doing it; it was for the best, and I took that lightly.
Following my meetings with two different Doctor's, the time had come for my hospital appointment where I would find out how far along in the pregnancy I was.
The nurse greeted me in what seemed a less than polite manner, which I pretty much expected. They hope to see patients excited for life, not those who wish to erase it completely. She asked me how far along I thought I might be, but I really had no idea. My stomach was not huge but rather bloated, so I thought a couple of months at least. I hoped in my mind that it was possible for me to abort. I couldn't imagine having a child at such a young age.
I lay horizontally on the hospital bed in a dark, quiet room with various types of equipment in each corner. Steve accompanied me at all times, which I loved. He knew he had to comfort me and he knew we should both face up to the horrible situation we had got ourselves into.
The nurse squeezed a tube of cold, thick, jelly onto the lower area of my stomach. I had been told to have a full bladder when attending the appointment, which proved uncomfortable when the nurse pressed hard to get the image of what was growing inside me on the scan screen. I thought I might actually pee.
Anyhow, after some movement of trying to distinguish and find the sac with the embryo, there it was on the screen. So small.
'You look to be about 8 weeks pregnant.' Said the nurse in a gentle tone. I nodded, and stared at the peanut I could see on the screen in front of me. I felt relieved, but also quite amazed. Something pulled at the strings of my heart in that particular moment.
My mood swings were crazy, poor Steve had to feel my wrath on more than one occasion. My tears soaked my pillows most nights, not just because of the depression but because of the sadness that filled me, knowing what I was in for. Constantly in the back of my mind I couldn't erase the pit of total heartache. It affected me in more ways than one, but I had only myself to blame.
As upset as I was, I plodded along and took everything in my stride. I knew this was what I wanted and as much as I hated the decision and how evil I felt for doing it; it was for the best, and I took that lightly.
Following my meetings with two different Doctor's, the time had come for my hospital appointment where I would find out how far along in the pregnancy I was.
The nurse greeted me in what seemed a less than polite manner, which I pretty much expected. They hope to see patients excited for life, not those who wish to erase it completely. She asked me how far along I thought I might be, but I really had no idea. My stomach was not huge but rather bloated, so I thought a couple of months at least. I hoped in my mind that it was possible for me to abort. I couldn't imagine having a child at such a young age.
I lay horizontally on the hospital bed in a dark, quiet room with various types of equipment in each corner. Steve accompanied me at all times, which I loved. He knew he had to comfort me and he knew we should both face up to the horrible situation we had got ourselves into.
The nurse squeezed a tube of cold, thick, jelly onto the lower area of my stomach. I had been told to have a full bladder when attending the appointment, which proved uncomfortable when the nurse pressed hard to get the image of what was growing inside me on the scan screen. I thought I might actually pee.
Anyhow, after some movement of trying to distinguish and find the sac with the embryo, there it was on the screen. So small.
'You look to be about 8 weeks pregnant.' Said the nurse in a gentle tone. I nodded, and stared at the peanut I could see on the screen in front of me. I felt relieved, but also quite amazed. Something pulled at the strings of my heart in that particular moment.
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
The pain of waiting
More Doctor's appointments were made, but I was sure not to see the Doctor I once had. I don't know why, but I felt shame for being so stupid and thinking I wouldn't get pregnant. I was embarassed.
I saw a female Doctor the following day after discovering I was pregnant, who talked me through the methods. I was still unsure of how far into the pregnancy I was, because my irregular periods allowed me to lose track so easily.
The Doctor I saw was kind, but I could see in her eyes she wanted me to keep this baby.
'So many women I have seen wanting abortions and they regret it,' She told me softly. 'I hope you think about this completely before going through with it. It's tougher than you think.'
I was beginning to understand what she meant when she said it was tougher, but I was firm and stuck on my decision. I simply was not ready, and was prepared for the hurt and upset that I deserved from being so careless.
The Doctor continued to speak, as I listened.
'I understandit's difficult, and I wish I could refer you right away. However, I do not support abortion and therefore am not able to refer you. I'll make an appointment with another Doctor for you. This afternoon okay?' She asked me politely.
I was a bit shocked and hurt at what she had told me. It made me feel even more guilty, but I had to deal with the guilt I guess. I agreed to see another Doctor, thanked her for the help and went on my way.
Later that day
After a short rest at home, I returned to the surgery for a further appointment with an older, male Doctor. He was just as polite, asked me how I was feeling, did some tests and referred me. Not before he pressed on my stomach to determine how pregnant I was though.
After some prodding and poking, he told me he thought I may be 3 months. This scared me, as I knew there were more difficult procedures if you were further along in the pregnancy. But to be sure, he sent me to the hospital the following morning for a scan.
Things seemed to be moving fast.
I saw a female Doctor the following day after discovering I was pregnant, who talked me through the methods. I was still unsure of how far into the pregnancy I was, because my irregular periods allowed me to lose track so easily.
The Doctor I saw was kind, but I could see in her eyes she wanted me to keep this baby.
'So many women I have seen wanting abortions and they regret it,' She told me softly. 'I hope you think about this completely before going through with it. It's tougher than you think.'
I was beginning to understand what she meant when she said it was tougher, but I was firm and stuck on my decision. I simply was not ready, and was prepared for the hurt and upset that I deserved from being so careless.
The Doctor continued to speak, as I listened.
'I understandit's difficult, and I wish I could refer you right away. However, I do not support abortion and therefore am not able to refer you. I'll make an appointment with another Doctor for you. This afternoon okay?' She asked me politely.
I was a bit shocked and hurt at what she had told me. It made me feel even more guilty, but I had to deal with the guilt I guess. I agreed to see another Doctor, thanked her for the help and went on my way.
Later that day
After a short rest at home, I returned to the surgery for a further appointment with an older, male Doctor. He was just as polite, asked me how I was feeling, did some tests and referred me. Not before he pressed on my stomach to determine how pregnant I was though.
After some prodding and poking, he told me he thought I may be 3 months. This scared me, as I knew there were more difficult procedures if you were further along in the pregnancy. But to be sure, he sent me to the hospital the following morning for a scan.
Things seemed to be moving fast.
Tears and decisions
I couldn't believe my eyes. The test I had taken so many times finally proved me wrong. I was pregnant, it was possible. The feelings I had experienced were down to this, I should have known something was different.
The moment I found out, I cried to my boyfriend. He was also in disbelief but told me everything would be alright, and he would support me whatever my decision.
I almost immediately knew what the decision I wanted to make was. But I never thought it would be this difficult. I always imagined that if it did happen, I would decide to abort, get it done with and it would be over. How uneducated I was to think this.
My guilt and emotions were going crazy. It wasn't just the thought of getting an abortion, what if I couldn't have children in the future? Thoughts raced through my head, I was so confused. But to me, abortion was the only option.
My financial state was one to be questioned, I had no stability, I was of a young age with a boyfriend I had been with for almost two years and was most definitely not ready for a child.
It may seem selfish, but I had things I wanted to accomplish. Goals to meet and a stable life to make for a family I could have one day. I had plans with my boyfriend and if a child came along that would all change. I didn't want to rush into things and risk us losing our love for eachother. We were both young and needed to live together, before we became responsible for a child.
I hated myself for letting this happen to this poor, helpless life that I had been responsible for creating. But I had to go through it, and making the decision to end the pregnancy was the only possible solution, I felt. This I know to this day.
It would have been unfair to bring a child into an unsteady atmosphere, I had to do what I felt was right and be sure it most certainly would never happen again.
It was decision time.
The moment I found out, I cried to my boyfriend. He was also in disbelief but told me everything would be alright, and he would support me whatever my decision.
I almost immediately knew what the decision I wanted to make was. But I never thought it would be this difficult. I always imagined that if it did happen, I would decide to abort, get it done with and it would be over. How uneducated I was to think this.
My guilt and emotions were going crazy. It wasn't just the thought of getting an abortion, what if I couldn't have children in the future? Thoughts raced through my head, I was so confused. But to me, abortion was the only option.
My financial state was one to be questioned, I had no stability, I was of a young age with a boyfriend I had been with for almost two years and was most definitely not ready for a child.
It may seem selfish, but I had things I wanted to accomplish. Goals to meet and a stable life to make for a family I could have one day. I had plans with my boyfriend and if a child came along that would all change. I didn't want to rush into things and risk us losing our love for eachother. We were both young and needed to live together, before we became responsible for a child.
I hated myself for letting this happen to this poor, helpless life that I had been responsible for creating. But I had to go through it, and making the decision to end the pregnancy was the only possible solution, I felt. This I know to this day.
It would have been unfair to bring a child into an unsteady atmosphere, I had to do what I felt was right and be sure it most certainly would never happen again.
It was decision time.
Expect the unexpected
Around 1 month after my meeting with the Doctor, the exhaustion started to take its toll on my work. Working from home made me feel important, focused and made me want to work hard. But these feelings subsided because of my need to sleep and rest all day. I thought it might be a side effect of the depression pills, so stopped taking them. But the feelings continued.
I hated the fact I felt so ill, because it made me feel lazy and worthless. I needed to work, to reach my goal but it felt simply impossible at this time. My work slacked and my sleeping took over.
My eating habits also became insane. I was always a health freak. I hated junk food because it made me feel disgusting, but loved exercise because it made me feel enlightened and refreshed. However, I felt no desire to exercise and all the desire to indulge in sweet foods and calorie filled delicacies.
Before long, I was waking once or twice in the nights to empty my bladder and my stomach became tender and rather firm to touch. I put it down to bloating and joked to my boyfriend about pregnancy, but never took it seriously.
That is, until I was in a supermarket with my boyfriend one evening and passed a stand with many pregnancy tests lined up among it. I almost skipped past, but took the chance to do it as the Doctor had told me before. I found a basic test, purchased it with a little flutter of embarassment and walked out of the door.
On arriving back at my house, I took one test. The pack comprised of two. I had heard it was more reliable to take one in the morning to be sure, but I decided to do one on this current evening and another in the morning.
I can't tell you how many times I had taken one of these tests. Waiting for two lines to appear but there had always been that one line. The line that made me feel relieved but also angry that it never happened. Which was crazy, because I didn't want a baby but wanted to know that I wasn't damaged goods and that I could.
As I emptied my bladder and aimed for the stick, my heart thumped harder than usual. I placed the lid on the test and horizontally placed it upon the edge of the bath as I sat on the toilet, waiting to see the lines appear.
There they were. Two lines, side by side. I stopped breathing for a minute in disbelief.
Taking a look at the box the test came in, I compared my results with that on the box.
It was for sure, I was pregnant.
I hated the fact I felt so ill, because it made me feel lazy and worthless. I needed to work, to reach my goal but it felt simply impossible at this time. My work slacked and my sleeping took over.
My eating habits also became insane. I was always a health freak. I hated junk food because it made me feel disgusting, but loved exercise because it made me feel enlightened and refreshed. However, I felt no desire to exercise and all the desire to indulge in sweet foods and calorie filled delicacies.
Before long, I was waking once or twice in the nights to empty my bladder and my stomach became tender and rather firm to touch. I put it down to bloating and joked to my boyfriend about pregnancy, but never took it seriously.
That is, until I was in a supermarket with my boyfriend one evening and passed a stand with many pregnancy tests lined up among it. I almost skipped past, but took the chance to do it as the Doctor had told me before. I found a basic test, purchased it with a little flutter of embarassment and walked out of the door.
On arriving back at my house, I took one test. The pack comprised of two. I had heard it was more reliable to take one in the morning to be sure, but I decided to do one on this current evening and another in the morning.
I can't tell you how many times I had taken one of these tests. Waiting for two lines to appear but there had always been that one line. The line that made me feel relieved but also angry that it never happened. Which was crazy, because I didn't want a baby but wanted to know that I wasn't damaged goods and that I could.
As I emptied my bladder and aimed for the stick, my heart thumped harder than usual. I placed the lid on the test and horizontally placed it upon the edge of the bath as I sat on the toilet, waiting to see the lines appear.
There they were. Two lines, side by side. I stopped breathing for a minute in disbelief.
Taking a look at the box the test came in, I compared my results with that on the box.
It was for sure, I was pregnant.
Life goes on
Completely pushing the Doctor's appointment I had previously had to the back of my mind, I went around my daily business. I worked behind a reception desk, day in, day out. Taking calls, using the computer, organising and filing. This job bored me entirely. In the evenings I escaped by going to the gym, spending time with friends, the boyfriend and taking trips to the beach.
My favourite beach in my home area was a ten minute drive away. It had jagged cliffs that the water crashed against, and when the tide was out the view of the curved beach of golden sands was amazing. This place was my escape. I loved the air, the views and how it made me think.
I always had a dream to be successful and do something for myself. I loved to write and envisioned myself as my own boss with my own empire, succeeding in something I thoroughly adore. The beach helped me think of how I could do this, and what I wanted out of life.
It was actually quite funny sometimes, how me and my boyfriend would spend countless evenings at the seaside, giving eachother motivational prep talks about how we would conquer the big bad world. Funny, but it definitely made me more determined.
Things carried on as normal for the next few weeks. My depression came and went, but that wasn't the problem anymore. The exhaustion that had overwhelmed me in these weeks was hard to bare. I felt ill and weak constantly. So much so that I quit my job.
I felt I couldn't work because of the sobbing, the tiredness and the hunger to work for myself and start the goal as soon as I could. After all, achieving young would set me up for life. So I took a risk, left my job and began working from home.
My favourite beach in my home area was a ten minute drive away. It had jagged cliffs that the water crashed against, and when the tide was out the view of the curved beach of golden sands was amazing. This place was my escape. I loved the air, the views and how it made me think.
I always had a dream to be successful and do something for myself. I loved to write and envisioned myself as my own boss with my own empire, succeeding in something I thoroughly adore. The beach helped me think of how I could do this, and what I wanted out of life.
It was actually quite funny sometimes, how me and my boyfriend would spend countless evenings at the seaside, giving eachother motivational prep talks about how we would conquer the big bad world. Funny, but it definitely made me more determined.
Things carried on as normal for the next few weeks. My depression came and went, but that wasn't the problem anymore. The exhaustion that had overwhelmed me in these weeks was hard to bare. I felt ill and weak constantly. So much so that I quit my job.
I felt I couldn't work because of the sobbing, the tiredness and the hunger to work for myself and start the goal as soon as I could. After all, achieving young would set me up for life. So I took a risk, left my job and began working from home.
The beginning
March, 2011.
Finding out I was pregnant was incredibly scary. Having a long term boyfriend with whom I foolishly did not use contraception with and never caught, made me believe I couldn't get pregnant. This thought saddened me to the core, but I never believed I would be ready for a child at the age of 19 anyway. I just wanted the relief of knowing it was possible.
I'm not one of those very maternal women who hope to have children young. I'm still a young woman, still learning and still naiive in many ways. I have much to learn, and this situation taught me plenty, the hard way.
I always had a careless view on pregnancy. I didn't take contraception because I thought it wouldn't make a difference. In the years I had been sexually active the pregnancy tests always read negative. My periods were irregular and I simply thought I had trouble conceiving.
I continued to enjoy my life, never fretting about late periods because this was common. Never fretting about the frightening thought of getting pregnant, it seemed crazy and far fetched to me. I was foolish, and very immature to take the risky option.
Suffering from constant depression involved countless sleepless nights, severe upset, crying, mood swings and suicidal thoughts. This was a norm for me, having depression from a young age and inheriting it from both my parents was something I had grown up with and dealt with.
Over the March period I felt it worsen entirely. So much so, that I took a trip to the doctors to get a stronger medication. As I was there we discussed my irregular periods also, as I always worried about inferitlity and wanted to know if the period cycle was a sign of this.
'The irregular periods should not worry you at such a young age. Everyone is different and stressing about how fertile you are is irrelevant at this age. Do not worry until you are ready.' The Doctor told me in a matter of fact manner.
'Right, okay. But it does worry me, and for some reason I feel sure I am infertile.' I responded.
The Doctor studied me and finally opened his creased mouth to say, 'Are you on any form of contraception?'
I thought to myself about the question he had thrown at me. Should I lie? Or simply tell the truth? I decided to tell the truth and not dig myself a big hole that I might not be able to crawl my way out of.
'No, at this current time I am not. We use condoms, now and again but nothing constant, because I feel there's no point.' I admitted.
The Doctor told me this was the wrong attitude, as I had guessed he might say. Choosing a contraceptive pill, he gave me one that would steady my periods and protect me from pregnancy. Clutching my pills for depression in one hand and my prescription for the contraceptive pill in the other, I thanked the Doctor and headed for the door.
I was stopped in my tracks as the Doctor asked, 'When was your last period, might I ask?'
Trying hard to remember, I figured it was over a month ago. 'Around 1 month ago, but this is normal.' I told the Doctor.
'As normal as you think it may be, you should take a pregnancy test to be sure.' The Doctor advised.
I nodded, scrumpled the prescription into my pocket and headed out of the door, ignoring his request to take a pregnancy test. I didn't need to waste my time, a million previous tests told me negative. This wasn't any different to me.
How wrong I was.
Finding out I was pregnant was incredibly scary. Having a long term boyfriend with whom I foolishly did not use contraception with and never caught, made me believe I couldn't get pregnant. This thought saddened me to the core, but I never believed I would be ready for a child at the age of 19 anyway. I just wanted the relief of knowing it was possible.
I'm not one of those very maternal women who hope to have children young. I'm still a young woman, still learning and still naiive in many ways. I have much to learn, and this situation taught me plenty, the hard way.
I always had a careless view on pregnancy. I didn't take contraception because I thought it wouldn't make a difference. In the years I had been sexually active the pregnancy tests always read negative. My periods were irregular and I simply thought I had trouble conceiving.
I continued to enjoy my life, never fretting about late periods because this was common. Never fretting about the frightening thought of getting pregnant, it seemed crazy and far fetched to me. I was foolish, and very immature to take the risky option.
Suffering from constant depression involved countless sleepless nights, severe upset, crying, mood swings and suicidal thoughts. This was a norm for me, having depression from a young age and inheriting it from both my parents was something I had grown up with and dealt with.
Over the March period I felt it worsen entirely. So much so, that I took a trip to the doctors to get a stronger medication. As I was there we discussed my irregular periods also, as I always worried about inferitlity and wanted to know if the period cycle was a sign of this.
'The irregular periods should not worry you at such a young age. Everyone is different and stressing about how fertile you are is irrelevant at this age. Do not worry until you are ready.' The Doctor told me in a matter of fact manner.
'Right, okay. But it does worry me, and for some reason I feel sure I am infertile.' I responded.
The Doctor studied me and finally opened his creased mouth to say, 'Are you on any form of contraception?'
I thought to myself about the question he had thrown at me. Should I lie? Or simply tell the truth? I decided to tell the truth and not dig myself a big hole that I might not be able to crawl my way out of.
'No, at this current time I am not. We use condoms, now and again but nothing constant, because I feel there's no point.' I admitted.
The Doctor told me this was the wrong attitude, as I had guessed he might say. Choosing a contraceptive pill, he gave me one that would steady my periods and protect me from pregnancy. Clutching my pills for depression in one hand and my prescription for the contraceptive pill in the other, I thanked the Doctor and headed for the door.
I was stopped in my tracks as the Doctor asked, 'When was your last period, might I ask?'
Trying hard to remember, I figured it was over a month ago. 'Around 1 month ago, but this is normal.' I told the Doctor.
'As normal as you think it may be, you should take a pregnancy test to be sure.' The Doctor advised.
I nodded, scrumpled the prescription into my pocket and headed out of the door, ignoring his request to take a pregnancy test. I didn't need to waste my time, a million previous tests told me negative. This wasn't any different to me.
How wrong I was.
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